it has been 2-1/2 weeks since Ben & Heidi's wedding. i'm still feeling so peaceful and happy for them. it was a beautiful ceremony, all moments of great love and joy between them and everyone there to share in their love.
my life since then has been an ongoing battle with buzzard breath (the devil). he is trying to steal, rob and destroy my joy in the Lord. every moment of every day this past week has been a trial and i am confident that the Lord is preparing me for new challenges, a work for the Kingdom of God. so, that's good. i am not helpless and especially not hopeless. (it just started to rain. i can hear it on the metal roof above me.) we may even have some snow in the next couple of days. we have had beautiful spring weather all week (beginning last thursday 3/18), but alas, this is central oregon. wait 10 minutes and the weather will change. a few more days left before returning to school.
there are not many things in my life that bring me despair, so i'm going out on a limb and mention one. i went to see my rheumatologist this week, my usual 4 month check-up. i asked if i could take away one of the meds that we had talked about 4 months previous, if my current status on the remicade and methotrexate continued to allow me more energy and freedom from pain. it has been 2 years now on this course of meds. she laughed and said that they usually don't take away any meds, in fact it is usually the case that they will add something else. i did not argue with her, but was insistent that she did mention that i could cut back of one of them and eventually stop it if my condition remained the same. so i am going to wean myself off of one of them and believe i will be able to discontinue it altogether within the 4 months it will take to do this. after being diagnosed 15 years ago, i am still the only one that knows me and my body the best, and in 5 years when medicade kicks in as my primary health insurance (which is a big "IF" right now), i won't be able to afford all the meds anyway, so i want to know now what i can do to become free of all these chemicals and 'live with it', 'it' being the pain. will i still be able to function, scrapbook and enjoy my grandkids and my family? i will trust in the Lord no matter what. i gave Him my life and i will always remind myself to stay the course, focus on Jesus, as He is the author and finisher of my life. Yikes, its 2:10 am. i wanted to be asleep by midnight. aloha for now.